trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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