it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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