Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
