Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
