Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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