Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
im on a boat
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