some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
