she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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