I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't deserve a penis
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
