Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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