Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
