If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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