Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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