Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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