don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
