Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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