I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
