dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
