My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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