apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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