I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
