Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
