You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
