Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
