She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
