I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
