if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
