At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Panties = found
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
