erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
