Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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