Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
