Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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