Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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