My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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