WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
