Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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