you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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