Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
