So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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