i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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