so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
