He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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