Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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