I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got inside last night via doggy door
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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