I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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