You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
