you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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