You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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