I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
