ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
