We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
