as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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