Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
handjob tips. give me some.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
