So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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