You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop coming to work sober
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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