So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
