frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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