I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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