i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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