Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
