Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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