i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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