My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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