Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
