i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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