If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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