Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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