It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
