once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
