It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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