your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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