normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
